August 9, 2006
Death and Taxes
Having spent the last four summers in Vancouver, Canada, I now find this weather (heat and rain all in one afternoon) almost unbearable. I say this with all candour and absolutely no pride, but I am not used to spending summer in Manila anymore.
Since my father passed away, we have not had the time nor the inclination to leave the confines of Manila for prolonged periods. I know I cannot fill the void. But it does make me want to stay close to family, especially my mom. Although my brother is my family in Vancouver, we’ve both decided that I am needed here more.
It’s ironic, but after a death in the family, one would expect a respite from everyday concerns. With the pain and shock still fresh, we were treated to a most rude awakening to the reality of death: taxes, and more taxes.
Don’t get me wrong, the BIR officers we encountered were very efficient and sympathetic to our plight. They did everything possible to make it painless for our grieving family. But the rude reality is that no matter how much my father tried to save up for his family, upon his death the government got first crack and eventually got the lion’s share.
It is the law. I’ve been told that all assets ( properties to bank accounts) of the deceased are subject to taxes. And those who inherit are again subject to inheritance taxes. But wasn’t my father paying taxes all his life, and now that he’s gone, he still has to pay! He clearly has no income coming to him anymore. I mean I understand imposing taxes on the inheritance since the assets will have new owners, but to tax a dead man?
Inheriting property doesn’t make you richer, it actually diminishes your account. Because not only do you have to pay up on the property you now all of a sudden own, there are other fees to think about (transfer fees, registration, etc). Thus I have decided to not leave any property to my kin, since they will end up having to pay all the taxes and fees for the rest of their lives or until they sell it anyway.
Don’t get me wrong here! I am all for paying taxes. How else could we earn enough to run the country. I just wish they didn’t have to be so high or so brutal as to hit you at every turn.
Only two things are certain in this life death and taxes. And they always come together!
*****
It has been six months since my dad passed away, and there is still a mountain of paperwork to finish. He was of the old school who never talked about death or money or the other seemingly tasteless topics of everyday living. There was no talk of how to handle expenses like funeral arrangements, pertinent papers, beneficiaries, etc. Unfortunately, when one dies, there is no manual as in life.
So now we have to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Sort through paperwork and other legalities; tedious but necessary stuff to help us tie up loose ends from dad’s life. It’s hard, but we’ve managed to plod on.
I don’t blame him; he was just that way. But in this day and age, it is a reality and a necessity that we prepare for our death, spiritually and legally. So now there are three things we can’t escape: death, taxes, and lawyers.
What a lawyer does is he takes care of making sure all your wishes are legally executed. The "will" is just a small part of it. There is the property to think about, stocks, shares, the legal transfers, registration, etc. For most people, like my dad, these things only come up after death. And in the case of those who have more than one family, who has a right to what. Ideally, this should all be done by the lawyer before the death occurs.
At his wake I discovered that there is a fledgling business in the "death services industry", one that is so far untapped because of the taboos and morbid thoughts attached to dying. Funeral services for one are taking on a new life. Though we haven’t reached the level of sophistication yet as seen in the US and North America, avenues are slowly opening up.
One of them is for a funeral host, as exemplified by Gerard Sison. Gerard has a great voice with matching good looks and is " commissioned" by Arlington to be at their VIP funerals as host. The professional Gerard totes along a karaoke with a microphone to provide music and host the program or eulogy. Another niche I see is for funeral directors. Much like wedding or event planners, funeral directors can help the bereaved family plan unique and unforgettable wakes/funeral services that reflect the family’s sensibilities. From the choice of music to the program to the special touches like flowers, photographs, etc Funerals have the potential to be going away parties for the dead. And why not? As we are ushered onto this earth with excitement and fanfare, so we too must leave not quietly but proudly.
*****
And so these days, I find myself thinking about loose ends. Nope, I don’t think I’m going to die soon, but I am thinking about things that I’d like to put to rest. I don’t particularly feel that I have much to give away in terms of property or earthly belongings but, as my lawyer friend so succinctly put it "we all need a living will"). Dying may be the farthest thing from our minds as we hurriedly go through out daily lives, but it is a reality. And it can be a harsher one for our loved ones who are left behind with no clue of what to do.
I asked a friend recently for advice on how to explain grief and dying to a child. She herself was stumped as she had never thought about how to go about explaining it to her own kids. Some days I feel okay about talking about my father’s death to my seven-year old with the million and one questions. But there are days when I myself am still at a loss as to how to process the death in my family.
We worry so much about having to talk to our kids about the " facts of life": sex education, etc. Well folks, death is a part of life. Sex, you can avoid or circumvent somehow, but death is inevitable and grief is so much a part of it. Unfortunately, we aren’t taught how to or what to do when we grieve.
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