February 10, 2010
February 15 is Singles Awareness Day
Yes, there is such a day. According to Wikipedia, it was concocted by singles who thought that if couples had a right to celebrate their unions, then the singletons had an equal right to revel in their carefree independence.
Thus, the birth of Singles Awareness Day on February 15. A day which is usually celebrated with the greeting, “Happy SAD!”
Sex and Sensibilities, a website devoted to women and strives to balance sexuality with informed choice brings together five young single ladies to celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Jazzing up the traditional wedding gown with embellishments telling of their own individual personalities, these ladies talk candidly about being on their own and the need to balance the highs of single life with responsible and informed choice.
Pam Perlas, 21
Sales Associate for high-end luxury cars
I’ve never celebrated a Singles Awareness Day; though I’ve been single almost my entire life. The first and last relationship I had was three years ago.
I do get asked a lot why I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know, I feel like the more they ask me why I don’t have one [a boyfriend], the more it makes me want to prove to them that I am happy being single.
I just graduated from college, and, honestly, I’m just too damn excited to find out what’s in store for me in the real world. I got my own flat, drive my own car and I have a job that is enhancing my people skills. I was raised not to need men so I’ve always been independent like this.
I do go out on dates, but if I'm not sexually attracted to the guy, I don't see myself dating him. Unfortunately, I don’t find attraction that much, hence, the single life! But to some degree, it is a blessing in disguise because when I meet guys that I know are only after sex, I don’t allow it to happen. Sex may be a factor, but it shouldn’t be the only reason to be with someone, though I've been told that to some, it’s what keeps their relationships alive. I argue the opposite.
I think there is always more room for a wider awareness about safe sex and sexual health because as some may already know what it is, I don’t think anyone ever realizes the gravity of it (STI/HIV) until it happens to them. It only takes one infected person to do the job. Next thing you know, you fear for your own health. If you want to have sex, at least be responsible and use protection—it’s always better to be careful now than be sorry later.
Miki Kierfulf, 32
Hairstylist/Makeup Artist
I’ve been a single mom for so long, I can say that I need not be in a relationship to be happy. I’m happy being with my son, not worrying about what I can and can't do. So I'm fine with it [being single]. If someone comes along, then we will see.
To be honest with you, I still have dreams of getting married one day... of being a princess... to walk down the aisle wearing a very beautiful gown. And well sometimes, yes, I have the tendency to look at the mirror and tell myself, “Ewww, you're getting older and you're still not married?” [laughs]
As I matured and got older, I realized that sex is something you share with someone you really love. What is the point of sleeping with someone who doesn’t mean everything to you?
As for information on safe sex, even if we think we know a lot already, there’s no harm in learning more. We should always be aware of how we can best protect ourselves.
Alexandrea Rodriguez, 22
Brand Manager, Team Manila
Looking back, I was never the girl who dreamed about my wedding, the perfect wedding dress, nor the perfect person to marry.
It's a very unique concept—wearing a wedding dress when you're in fact, single and unattached. But I think that's what made me decide to do the shoot—it was more than just being in the white dress—it's about being happy and contented with yourself; it's about being happy and having fun, without having to be married, or to be in a relationship with someone.
Well, I think the pressure of wanting to be in a relationship—get married and start a family, and not from outside factors comes from within a woman.
To tell you the truth, most of my friends are in relationships—some for a long time already, and still counting; and I know only a handful of people who are single. I can say neither the former were pressured to be in a relationship, nor the latter are pressured to be in one.
I'm at the point in my life where I am building and focusing on my career. I guess it also has to do with the fact that I started dating early, so it's time to take a break, and have fun on my own (not that I don't have fun when I'm with someone, it's just that of course, it's different when your single and carefree.
It takes years to build confidence, and to be contented with oneself. So I say, know and appreciate who you are. Don't focus on what's missing in your life; instead, focus on what you have and be confident with it. Happiness comes after contentment.
Cathy Domingo, 20
Recently passed the Nursing Board Exams
My last relationship was late last year. I’ve actually found myself very happy being single. No arguing or fighting—freedom! You can do whatever you’d like, and you can meet SO many new people.
If other girls were to ask me what the secret to being happy even when on your own is, I would tell them to embrace the single life. Know that being single is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it is pretty spectacular.
But even being single and actively dating comes with the responsibility of taking care of yourself. As a registered nurse, I advocate that all people practice safe sex all the time. Nobody has a body to die for—literally and figuratively. Safe sex is always better! It's fun, and you don't have to worry as much (about getting pregnant, STIs). If you and your partner know the pros and the cons, safe sex shouldn’t even have to be negotiated, just simply practiced. Each of us has to be responsible for our own health—no exceptions.
Gale Garcia, 27
Call Center Agent
Growing up in the UK and then coming to the Philippines, I noticed that it's like a part of the culture to get hitched. I don’t even think it is a phenomenon; it has become a normal thing to do [get married] here. In the UK, when you even mention marriage, a guy runs for his life, and to think, I would too!! Here there is much more focus on finding someone, getting married, than focusing on trying to be happy with themselves.
As for being single, there are definitely things you can do to cultivate a more positive attitude. For a start you can accept that: happiness is a choice. And for that matter, so is getting intimate with someone.
Women of the millennium are having more sex and with more partners. The reality is even if a woman told a man that she won’t sleep with him until marriage, chances are he'd head for the first exit, or cheat on her the entire time. Men can get sex much more easily today than in the past. Marriage isn't a prerequisite for getting laid anymore.
So casual sex has become as common as having coffee with a buddy in the big city. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Think about it; let's say (for argument's sake) a woman saves herself until she's about 25 years of age. Then she sleeps with a man. They break up after a few months. Then she meets another man and after a couple of months, she sleeps with him. Then they break up.
If this woman dates three men a year, she'll have slept with 15 men by the time she's 30. So even if a woman isn't having casual sex, but is dating a man seriously and things simply "don't work out," she's left with another notch on her bedpost simply through the fate she mapped out for herself.
I think that’s also why safe sex is so important. Safe sex is caring about yourself so much that no one can make you do anything that you are not 100 per cent comfortable doing. Safe sex is about knowing yourself so well that you can represent your needs at all times, and in all situations so that you don't put yourself in a situation of risk.
There is always a need for safe sex and it should be non-negotiable. It's not even a guy's responsibility anymore (for example to carry a condom), make it your responsibility too.
Single Ladies! (yes, exclamation point) is a trademark campaign of SexAndSensibilities.com, a website that strives to balance sexuality with informed choice. Read more about your right to protect and love yourself first on www.SexandSensibilities.com.
Photography by Rogelio "Allan" Mendoza Jr. Makeup styling by Ana Santos. Gowns worn by Miki, Pam, and Alex all designed by Maricar Dizon. Gown worn by Cathy designed by Lyn Dizon. Hairstyling by Edwin Cabol Jore. Fashion styling by Kathleen Conde.
Ana Santos is a freelance journalist and columnist. She is a staunch women's rights activist and writes about gender issues and relationships in her weekly newspaper column as well as other magazines. She has also written about women and children of armed conflict in Mindanao for the foreign news wires. Ana's work may be viewed on www.anasantoswrites.com.
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